well I can't set my house on fire every night
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
