I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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