I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
