I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
