im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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