I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am spending my child support on dildos
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
