whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
