I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
