I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
