I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
