didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
