God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
