batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
