guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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