all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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