There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
