Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
