Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
