Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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