Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
