if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
