I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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