On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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