Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
