...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
