It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
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