her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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