Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
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