After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
