take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
