brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
