I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
