if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
