i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
