I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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