You can't special order awesome
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
