He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
