At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
