You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
