JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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