addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
