you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
