READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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