Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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