remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
