She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
thus making me awesome and them whores
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
