Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize