my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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