well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
