my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
