I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
