I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
