Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
