So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
