She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
