dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize