then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
