everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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