i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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