Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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