I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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