Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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