I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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