i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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