I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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