Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
