i already hear my dad disowning me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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