Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's official drugs can't kill me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
