the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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