i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
